November 18, 2009

I have a juvenile delinquent, my fat is jiggling and other scary stories to tell in the dark

I picked up Noah from mother's day out yesterday and learned that my kid is a delinquent. I am never one of those parents who thinks "not my kid", because I've learned that with Noah, it usually is my kid. His whole class lost recess privileges for being disrespectful and not following directions. His teacher was so frustrated that she took all the toys out of his classroom, too. I am so totally proud of her for sticking to her guns! At 2 and 3 years old these kids are definitely old enough to know that you need to respect your teachers! So when I got Noah in the car, we had a serious talk. After all- my children may have their faults, but I will not allow them to be rude and disrespectful. The conversation went a little something like this:

Me: What happened in school today?
Noah: We didn't get to go play in the gym.
Me: Why didn't you get to play in the gym?
Noah: Because Ms. Faye was disappointed in me.
Me: But why was Ms. Faye disappointed in you?
Noah: Because I wasn't being haved. (Behaved in the present tense- in case you don't speak 3 year old)
Me: Oh no. We can't misbehave at school. What were you doing to misbehave?
Noah: We were following on each other's necks.

So there you have it, folks. The first entry on his criminal record will read "Lost recess for following on other people's necks." Whatever the heck that is. And for some crazy reason, Noah is continually talking like he is reading a book today. As in: "Mom, can I have some chocolate milk, said Dora" or "I need to crawl under the bed, Boots asked." I know that he is a weirdo, but I love him!


As I previously mentioned, I started doing the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred workout. It. Was. Brutal. She didn't scream at me through the TV, though, and I was kind of hoping she would. I need someone to yell at me. Things like "Hey fatty! Your jeans won't button so give me 10 more!" or "Stop whining like a little girl! I don't care if your son pooped in his diaper 3 minutes into the workout and the air is toxic! Don't you dare stop this video to change him. Hold your breath and WORK!" So anyway- I got through the first workout and today I can hardly walk. It's the kind of sore that makes you have to hold onto the towel bar to pull yourself out of the tub. But I love it! I am on a quest to lose about 20 pounds (again). I swear, I have gained and lost these same 20 pounds so many times, I can't even count. This time, the candy corn did it to me. I'd be embarrassed to tell you how much candy corn I have eaten this fall. It would put you in a virtual diabetic coma. So I am back to counting weight watcher's points and doing the Jillian Michaels' hell workout to knock the jiggle out of my badonka donk. I'll let you know how it goes. And in case you have a bubble butt, too, and want to do it along with me, the video is only 10 bucks at Wally World. Waaaaay cheaper than joining a gym- and I am all about a bargain!

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