March 10, 2010

Real Housewives of KY

I should have learned by now that when your children just beg you to go to bed at 7:30, you should *not* jump up and down and throw a party. You should clear out the washing machine and line the beds with plastic and make them sleep in ponytails, because when they go to bed that early, they are all going to wake up somewhere around midnight covered in vomit. Silly mama- you knew better! Still- you took your book to bed and reveled in the fact that you read a whole 8 pages of a novel before your eyes were so heavy you had to go to sleep (at 8:45)! When the whole time you should have been getting the house ready to be infested with germs. Maybe you should have put away the mountain of laundry on top of the washing machine so that when the puking parade began you actually could get to the washing machine! Or made sure that the matress covers were on the kid's beds so that you weren't scrubbing mattresses with soap in the middle of the night. Ahhhh, stupid hindsight!

And in other news, the honeymoon is over for Mister Miles. I have read lots of books and articles about this and tried to prepare for it, and here it is. Now that I think he realizes he's here to stay, he's really getting down to the real work of adjusting to our house and our lives. Which right now includes hours and hours of crying every day. And regression in the sleeping department. And in the eating department. Now that he's realized that food is in constant supply here, he's figured out he can get picky and throw food and scream when he doesn't get what he wants. All totally normal for that post honeymoon phase of coming home. He is still super friendly and becoming more and more loving every day and he does great during outings. It is when we are at home that the struggle is at it's peak. He mostly needs to be held, a lot. And reassured a lot. I can't walk out of the house to get the mail or let the dog out without the child having a near panic attack. It scares him to see me walk out the door. In many ways, I think this is great progress. It means that he has learned that I am the one who takes care of him and he is scared to lose me. Great attachment! But still wearing on the mama who needs to carry him around and stay within his line of vision all day long. I knew this would happen, and I am so happy that it is working out this way, but I didn't factor in that in so many ways, I would feel like a prisoner. And in a lot of ways, it hurts my heart for my son. I know that he is acting this way because he has experienced so much loss already in his life. Though he is just a little guy and we adopted him young enough that he most likely won't have any memories of the orphanage, I can tell that the feeling of loss still surrounds him. I know that those feelings of fear are very real to him. There are other things too. The moment I put him in the crib, he throws up and is overwhelmed with panic. I can tell that there must have been some sort of trauma there. So we just don't put him in the crib. I think it is too soon after coming home for him, to force him to tough it out. Just seems a little cruel at this point when I can so obviously tell that there is trauma there. I know that he is not just manipulating me- I've had a child who manipulated her way through sleep issues and this is not the same ball of wax. So Miles is still sleeping in the middle of the living room floor. He won't sleep on the floor in any of the other rooms. I am guessing that it is because we spend most of our waking hours in the living room and that is where he feels most secure. However, this makes it nearly impossible for him to get a nap because there are 4 other crazy people who live here and sleeping out in the open is just not practical. And then there is still the issue of the parasites invading his little belly. We just can not get rid of these things! Everytime I think it's cleared up, the next day we have a whole new infestation. Poor little guy- I know it is painful for him.

I'm not trying to complain. Miles overall is doing amazing! Truly- he is blossoming and opening up more and more everyday. Just trying to keep it honest and paint an accurate picture of it all because I know that there are a lot of people reading out there who are contemplating adoption. I think that so many times the books say that if you adopt children before they turn age 2, then you are footloose and fancy free and at the core of it, that is just plain false. Adopting children when they are younger, in general, I think may ease the transition, but truth be told- we have no idea what our children have experienced before coming home and that all factors in.

So- enough with the doom and gloom... A few days ago we went hiking at Papaw Johnny's house. That is my kids absolute favorite place to be in the whole world. They could walk around in the woods forever. Miles is no different- he loved wandering around in the woods, too. It was so awesome to get out and get some fresh air and exercise! I love those little, adventurous kids (even when they are barfing and crying!)




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