April 28, 2010

Conniption

Disclaimer: Insane amounts of whining are coming. I usually try to keep this a happy space but Oh. My. Gosh. My children are killing me today...

I KNEW IT! I totally jinxed this house by bragging that my kids were all 3 good for 3 straight days because for the last 48 hours all hell has broken loose. That's what I get for bragging! I love my kids. They are my whole life. But today I am thinking of selling them down the river. (Where in the heck is 'down the river' anyway, and why does everything get sold there?) I think there must be something in the water because just about every facebook friend I have who is a mom wrote something today about how their kids were being nuts. It was so bad by 8 am this morning that Kamron actually apologized for having to go to work. I begged him to take me with him. I swear, I would gladly take making cold calls all day to spending this day with the kids- and cold calls make me throw up just thinking about them. Puking and talking to strangers would have been a welcome vacation.

It all started yesterday when Mr. Miles cried from the time he woke up until the time I put him to bed. Nothing was wrong. He's not sick. He just felt like crying and being miserable. He's just being a booger. And he has boogers, too. If you don't have them when you get here, Kentucky will give you allergies. Miles is no exception and he has left a snot trail everywhere he's gone for 2 days. And I know that he's only been hearing English for 2 months, but his grunting is driving me batty! He just sounds like an ogre walking around pointing and grunting and screaming. He understands everything we say, he just has no desire to spit it back out at us. He'd rather grunt. Noah had lots of speech delays and was also a grunter, so I know that words don't just happen overnight. But sometimes it still wears my patience all the way down to zero.

Sadie has some kind of 6 year old bossy, whiny, kid PMS thing going on, too. She has just been snotty and demanding. It goes without saying that I have blown my cool on more than one occasion today. I can handle it when 2 of the 3 are having a bad day, but when they are all having bad days together, I would just like to load them all up on a wheelbarrow and ship them off to crap town.

It is one of those days where I called Kamron at 4 pm and told him if he didn't come home right then, there would be no guarantees that the house and children would still be standing when he got home. One of those days where the only words that came out of my mouth all day were, "NO!! STOP!! and IF YOU DO THAT ONE MORE TIME..." I sounded like Kate Gosselin. Ugh.

Yesterday I tried to handle everyone's crankiness with love and all kinds of therapeutic parenting stuff. It didn't do a darn thing. Today, I have gritted my teeth to keep from yelling so often you would think that my jaws were vice grips. It's one of those days where I have had to cuss at the dog to keep my sanity since I wouldn't dream of cussing in front of my kids. I'll even admit it- I screamed expletives at the top of my lungs when I let the dog out. I did however, distort my voice to this weird growly tone so that just in case my neighbors were out they would not trace the mystery f-bomb that flew across the back yard back to me. They would probably think a crazed, cussing grizzly bear/robot combo was running amok in our neighborhood. I know it's immature and unchristian and tacky and all that- but it did make me feel better... until I walked back into the house and realized that the boys had dumped the entire contents of the toy box on the floor and somehow Miles managed to get all the clean silverware out of the dishwasher and throw it all over the very dirty floor. And they managed to do all that in a span of about 45 seconds. I do not know how they do it.

If my mom were in the US right now I would tell her that today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And she would tell me that some days are like that...even in Australia.

Kamron told me this morning when Miles was throwing all the food off his highchair that my reaction reminded him of that old Bill Cosby bit where Bill talked about how his wife had the conniption when Bill served her kids chocolate cake for breakfast. So I YouTubed it and watched it and I swear- that is probably a good description of me today! A good laugh and putting all the kids to bed (at an ungodly early hour because I am D.O.N.E. for today!) were all I needed to feel a whole heap of a lot better! After a good night's sleep for all involved hopefully we can all be back to normal in the morning!

Here's the Bill Cosby clip- just in case your day was crummy too and you need a good laugh! (Don't forget to pause the music player on the left first!)



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