April 06, 2010

I need a new gimmick

As much as it sucks and even though I didn't give birth this time around, I am finding myself a good 25 pounds overweight 6 weeks post baby.

How in the world did this happen?! There really is no reason to gain weight through the adoption process, but I swear it happens to just about every person I know that has gone through it. You go to that physical they require for the homestudy and get on the scale. You think you're doing okay. Then somehow, 9 months later, shazam! There you are with a big ol' gut hanging out and no inflated uterus to blame it on! At least this time, I don't have that big dark brown line down the middle of my stomach. Really! What the hell is that thing pregnant women get? It's just weird.

In December I did the Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred. Only in my case it was the Jillian Michaels' 12 or 13 day shred because after that I had had it. Maybe I could pick it up again. But probably not. I am not proud to admit it, but I am a fad dieter. I try them all. I kind of get a kick out of trying them. My problem, though, is that I rarely do them correctly. When Adkins was the big thing, my college roommate and I decided we were going to jump on the bandwagon and do it. We thought that if we ate fried chicken every day, we were totally following it and couldn't for the life of us figure out why we didn't drop the pounds.

I've done the grapefruit thing, the 7 day soup thing, the Weight Watcher's thing, blah, blah, blah. I've done the eating right and exercising thing too, and I swear, it doesn't work any better than anything else. Right after I had Noah I trained for a half marathon. I was running about 3 billion miles a day and somehow managed to gain 7 pounds. And don't try to tell me that muscle weighs more than fat, because hot Bob Harper from the biggest loser says that is just crap. And anybody that hot, just has to know what they're talking about, right? While I am on my celebs and fitness kick- let me just say this: Who do these twiggy celebrity women think they are fooling when they say, "Well, I just chase after my toddlers all day and it keeps me fit!" Seriously. I chase my kids around all day and my fat trails right along with me. Does. Not. Work.

My bestie is doing this crazy thing where she is injecting herself with the HCG pregnancy hormones everyday and is losing an insane amount of weight. Go figure. But I am not ready to go that extreme. Seems a little scary to me.

So here I am, once again trying to figure out exactly what I am going to do to smooth out the dimples on my bootie. I put on some self tanner, thinking that tan cellulite looks way better than pale cellulite, but *surprise* the cellulite is still there. (Only now it's kinda orangey and streaky) I think I need your help. What have you done to drop the pounds that actually worked? And if you say- eat right and exercise I will jump through the screen and bite your fingers. Seriously- I am drawn to the crazy like a fat kid is to cake- so lay it on me. Fill up the comments so I have lots to choose from. I'll pick my fave and start it next Tuesday (cause nobody in their right mind starts a diet on Monday!) Thanks, loves!

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