This mother's day is such a stark contrast from last year. Last year, it never occurred to me that mother's day could be anything but happy and joyous. I am ashamed of how naive that was of me. I am so fortunate to have a mom that I have a great relationship with, both of my grandmothers, and even a great-grandmother who are in my life. I have had a whole myriad of women in my life, who although not my moms, have mothered me and molded me and taken me under their wings.
But this year is different. I think that my eyes have been opened to the fact that there is a whole spectrum of emotions for women on this day. There are new moms full of joy and wonder. Moms who have all their children around them who enjoy all the hustle and bustle of a home full of love. But there are also moms who have children resting with Jesus. Moms who's own mothers are no longer here. Moms who's only memories of their own mothers is painful. Mothers who try their hardest to parent traumatized children who don't return their love. Mothers who are yearning for children they don't yet have in their arms. Mothers who are missing the children they relinquished for adoption.
And this year, I am just not sure where I fit on that spectrum. In some ways this has been the most wonderful mother's day I've ever had. Sadie fully gets that this is the day to dote on me. She spent all afternoon in her room yesterday making homemade cards for me. She and daddy took care of the littles this morning so that I could sleep in til the blissful hour of 8 o'clock. I was awakened by giggling children carrying in sausage biscuits on a 9x13 inch baking pan so they could give me breakfast in bed like they see on all the TV commercials. And I reveled in it. I loved that so much energy was spent on making me feel special. I am truly a blessed woman! But somewhere mid-sausage biscuit, the tears started coming for Miles' first mother. I have thought about her all day. I have said countless prayers for her today. I know that without her, I would not get to be Miles' mom.
So today, we planted a flower in our front yard in her honor. I want this to be a tradition in our home. I want the flower we plant for her every year to be both a sign of thanks for the life that she gave to our family and of her importance to us. I hope that wherever she is today that she is well and that she feels our prayers, our love and our gratitude.
And since my children just left with Aunt Kennethia, I am off to pamper myself with a Mother's Day nap! (AKA- the greatest gift of ALL!)