June 13, 2010

You Get What You Need

I'm afraid that in the last few weeks that I've come across inadvertently as sounding like adoption is not an awesome thing.  That is about as far from how I really feel as is possible.  I think that adoption is one of the most mutually beneficial relationships that exists on Earth.  A child who would never have had one, gets to experience a family.  And parents, get to experience that child.  It is win/win. 

And despite that we have been having some ups and downs lately and we still have tons of unanswered questions, I would never in a million years even think that adoption is anything but wonderful.  I have always heard that the number one thing to expect in international adoption is to expect everything.  But I really just think that that is true for parenthood in general- no matter how you get your kids.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Miles has always been meant for our family.  I think (and I am no theologian) that God gives you what you need when you need it.  Now- I am not sure what the lessons are that he is trying to teach me with Miles.  But I know that it is obviously a lesson that I need to learn.  And sometimes I fight that and kick and scream the whole time, but eventually I will figure it all out.

Each of my children has been exactly what I needed at the time.  When Kamron and I found out quite unexpectedly after only 4 months of marriage that I was pregnant, God delivered to us a kid who came out of the womb sleeping 12 hours at a stretch every night.  He gave us a kid who somehow had her cry box turned off.  He gave us a kid who never got sick, who never had any issues because that is ALL we could handle at that time in our lives.  Then Noah came along.  And God gave us a kid with some issues.  Not crazy major issues, but some issues.  And it was hard.  But we handled it and came out as stronger parents on the other side.  We learned so many  lessons along the way and we learned how to navigate the state therapy system.  So many times I got furious at God in the process.  I would look at my son and get angry when he was delayed at sitting up or walking or just about any of those milestones.  I got angry when my friends would talk about how their kids were so advanced and I wondered what in the world I had done to have such a hard row to hoe.  But then one day, I just let the situation go.  And I realized that God had put all the right people and all the right services right in my path.  I was equipped with all the tools I needed to be able to help my child.  And somewhere in the middle of that, I discovered all the things that I loved about Noah.  I love his sense of humor and I loved all his quirks.  I loved his big heart.  I learned that focusing on the things that made him amazing instead of all the things that made raising him hard, changed the whole life of my family. 

I am trying to remind myself of those lessons as we go through some struggles with Miles.  I am reminding myself that I know how to work the system (thank you God for teaching me that lesson with Noah!).  I am reminding myself that I am equipped to help him heal.  We're too far in the middle of it for me to figure out the big picture lesson here, but I do know that THIS child- he was meant to be mine and that we are equipped for the job.

I realize that not everyone that reads this blog, believes in the same God that I do, and that's okay.  And I also don't want it to be misinterpreted that "God gives your kids issues" just so that us nutty parents can learn a lesson.  I look at my friend Cassie and her little boy who had cancer.  Do I think that God gave her son cancer to teach her a lesson?  Absolutely not!  But I do think that even though the struggle was more than I can imagine enduring, she came out on the other side with all these tools in her arsenal and has done amazing things to raise awareness and research funding for childhood cancer and has been a source of comfort for countless families going through the same thing.

Do I think that God allows teens and young adults to suffer from addictions just to teach the parents a lesson?  No way!  But overcoming addictions and demons can sometimes bring about healing that families are desperate for.  Same thing with the RAD mamas I love to read about.  No one would ever wish for horrific things to happen to children that they can't recover from.  But I look at the community that these mothers are building and I can't help but be anything but inspired at the things they are doing IN SPITE OF the things their children are going through.  It all just gives me so much hope.

I know so many mothers right now going through all kinds of things with their children- weather their kids are little or grown or they are still waiting for those children to come home.  I don't know all the answers.  But I do know that each one of those children was given to you/chosen for you for a reason.   Those reasons aren't always easy to see, but there are things that you can do for that child that no one else can.  A change of perspective (like in my case) can made a world of difference. 

There is nothing harder than watching your child suffer.  I just know that everything I've been through in my life has prepared me for this journey with Miles- even though we don't exactly know what that journey looks like yet.  So now instead of saying "Why God?", I'm saying, "Thank you, Lord for THIS child.  Thank you for placing him in a home where we have all the tools and resources he needs.  Thank you for equipping us just for him."

My prayer for you (and me) today is that you realize just how equipped you are.  No matter what your situation is, HE promised to always give us exactly what we need. 

I'm not exactly sure  how to wrap this one up, except to say thanks for those of you that he has laid in my path.  You are making the journey beautiful...



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