September 29, 2010

Pink Donuts, English Lessons, and Jail Time

My children have had their share of moments lately.  Last week my six year old found a button I picked up at the BlogHer conference this year.  I came home with a mirage of buttons, but she happened to seek out the one with a picture of a big, happy cervix on it.  Yes, you read that right- a cervix.  It was for HVP awareness and said in big letters "SAVE THE HOOCH". 

Girlfriend wore that hooch button proudly at school and who knows where else until I realized that she had it on.  I am all for her knowing how to take care of her "hooch", but really, the button kind of weirded me out on a girl that young.  Plus- she thought the cervix was really a pink donut. I'm sorry- if you aren't old enough to distinguish a cervix from a donut, then you probably aren't old enough to sport a "Save the Hooch" button in the first place.  Somehow, though, no one seemed to notice that she even had it on.  Or maybe, they too, just thought it was a pink donut.

Which brings us to Miles.  Miles has had so many ear problems that he can't very well distinguish high and low range sounds.  It is making learning English a little on the difficult side because he doesn't hear what we are saying the way it is supposed to sound.  Therefore, he repeats words like they sound to him.  As part of his speech therapy we are trying to help him learn to label things by saying them over and over again and trying to make him associate words with their meanings.  The other day we worked on body parts for what seemed like forever.  Our day sounded a little something like this:

Me: (while flapping my arms wildly)  Miles!  These are your arms!  Say "ARMS!"
Miles: Ass.
Me:  Close.  ARMS!
Miles:  Ass.
Me:  Arrrrrrms.  Hear that rrrrrr sound?  Try again.  Arrrrrrrms.
Miles:  rrrrrrr...Ass

We go in circles like this for a long time...

Me:  Okay- lets try another.  FEET!  ( I wiggle my feet like a nut)  Can you say,'FEET'?
Miles:  B!tch
Me:  No Feet.  Fu Fu Fu Feet!
Miles:  B!tch
Me:  (getting louder- for some dumb reason thinking that will all of a sudden make him understand) FEET!!  FEET!!
Miles: (also getting louder)  B!TCH, B!TCH!

And then we go in circles like that for a long time.  I am thinking that I will hold off on teaching him "fork".  Hopefully, my child will stop cussing like a sailor when he gets tubes in his ears and can hear what we are saying.  Amazingly , though, he has the phrase "big butt" down pat.  He says that one with stunning clarity.  It is his only two word phrase.  Go figure.

And not to be outdone by his brother and sister, we have Noah.  Noah- oh, sweet Noah- gets out of the car in the dropoff line at preschool yesterday and turns and says loudly as he's going in the door, "Bye Mom!  I'll see you when you get back from jail!"

WTF?  Or should I say, "What the fork?" as I die of embarrassment.  By the way- I went to Walmart- so maybe he wasn't all that inaccurate!

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