I'm just gonna say it. I am in a serious funk. About 2 weeks ago I said that my thirties were going to rock- but I totally take it all back.
So far, thirty has been crappy. In fact, I feel like I've spent pretty much all of my thirties up in stirrups (boys, you can stop reading). Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad pain for weeks and weeks on end landed me in the office of my GYN who promptly told me that all of my symptoms and the results of my manual exam pointed to *gulp* ovarian or uterine cancer. Then I had to wait 5 days with that hanging over my head to get an ultrasound. And not the good kind of ultrasound where they scream out, it's a girl! The one where they pull out "the wand". Oh girls- you know the one I'm talking about. The awkward wand up the hoo-ha ultrasound that makes you stare up at the ceiling tiles and feel like you are "getting got" by an alien. Gotta love those. *sigh*
Then it was 2 and a half more days of waiting to hear that (praise God!) there are no tumors or signs of cancer- just a zillion cysts all over the place and that perhaps I should begin to think about exploratory surgery to look for endometriosis. Y'all- I am totally ready to say goodbye to this uterus. I'm done with it anyways so it would be a great time for us to part ways. I would probably give it the "it's not you, it's me speech" and then walk away from her with no regrets.
So- my days have pretty much consisted of laying on the couch with a heating pad, neglecting all the things that I should be doing because, as I said, I am in a FUNK.
I'm tired and my mind is going a million places. I've got friends that are hurting. I've got a son who is riding the up and down attachment disorder wave like a professional and that is just a wee bit exhausting. There are derby float projects to be done and well- I'm not that crafty and my hot glue gun is not my friend. It has rained in Kentucky every day for the last eleventeen days. My kiddo tested in the 5th percentile on some developemental tests and while I'm glad that will hopefully qualify him for preschool services, dude- 5th percentile is not really something to make a bumper sticker about. Yep, I'm a first class Debbie Downer. Anyone want me to be a guest at their dinner party? Didn't think so!
Life goes in cycles and right now I am in a "spin my wheels and rip my uterus out cycle". Hopefully the next cycle will be the "drop 40 pounds and mysteriously end up in the Carribean" cycle. Hey, a girl can dream right!?