June 20, 2011

The Goldfish Syndrome

I've heard somewhere that goldfish only have 3 seconds of memory.  I imagine that their inner dialogue goes something like this, "I'm a fish.  I'm hungry.  Wait!  I'm a fish!"  I'll liken Miles' attention span (or any toddler's attention span!) to that fish's memory.  But more than just the three second attention span, my husband has made the miles/ fish comparison many times lately in what I'm calling "The Goldfish Syndrome".

You see, goldfish will grow to the size of their tanks.If you buy and itty bitty goldfish and you leave it in an itty bitty tank, it will stay and itty bitty goldfish.  But if you take that same goldfish and put it in a huge pond, it will turn into a huge goldfish.  I don't quite understand why that happens.  It is one of those phenomenons that make me scratch my head and say, "What the freckle?"

It's no secret that Miles won't grow. At what we think is three years old, he is the size of an average American 15 month old.  We've looked into every possible reason for why this could be and can't come up with anything other than extreme malnutrition as an infant. Seriously- we've run all the tests.  He's been poked and prodded and weighed and measured more times that I can count.  I've even called the doctor once to ask him what it was that Webster had to see if Miles could possibly be the next Webster.  Nope.  That wasn't it either.

So hubs has come up with this new theory of why our kiddo won't grow.  It's because his "tank" is too small.  When Miles came home he had no desire to co-sleep.  He likes to be completely alone and in total darkness when he sleeps.  He is the lightest sleeper imaginable.  We at first thought when Miles came home that the boys would share a room, but it became clear really quickly that Miles needed his own room or he would never sleep.  So we moved Sadie into Noah's room and Miles now takes up permanent residence in Sadie's pink princess room.  With his horrible crib trauma, we just set up the pack-n-play in there and he loved that thing immediately.  I don't even think that it's a full sized pack-n-play.  Anyway- he falls asleep as soon as he hits the pillow at night and sleeps all night in it.  He's only climbed out of it once and I think it freaked him out so bad to have some freedom that he never even tried it again.  It goes on all of our trips with us and for him, that tiny little cage is home for him.  But Kamron's theory is that Miles will never grow bigger than the confines of that pack-n-play.  His inner goldfish is refusing to get larger than his habitat.  Because we can't come up with anything better (medically speaking) I am pronouncing my son to be the first person in the universe with Goldfish Syndrome.  We will be getting an award recognizing us for this huge breakthrough in medical theories at next year's Nobel Prize awards.

We've thought about putting him in a real bed, but why rock the boat when this has been working for us so well for the last year and a half?  And seriously- he doesn't look discontented, does he?  I may be biased, but I truly think he is the cutest, little, brown cuddle bug on the planet- especially in his PJ's. *sigh*

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