September 15, 2012


Y'all, I am cranky.  There is no other way to say it.  I've been cranky all week for no good reason.   It's not hormonal.  It's not that anything bad happened.  I think I was just due a cranky time. It's the kind of cranky that makes me completely irrational.  Like right now, the "h" key wants to stick on my computer and instead of wiggling it around to figure out what is lodged under there, I just want to pick up my computer and throw it.

I'm definitely cranky...

I'm never mean to service people.  In fact, I usually let people walk all over me.  However, during this cranky phase, I've been absolutely psychotic.  We had to have a new roof put on our house.  Six weeks ago, I paid the roofer in full and they promised to have our roof on the following week.  (Not smart, I see that now)  After a week passed, I called to see where the work crew was.  They explained that with all the storms in the area, they were having a hard time getting the shingles for the roof.  No problem, I said.  Have a nice day, I said.  Can I make dinner for your family, I said.  We did that dance for another 4 weeks.  But then, during cranky week, when I called and got the same runaround, I raised my voice to a level so shrill that only dogs can hear and went on a rant about how you don't cash someone's $5000 check and then not put a roof on their house.  I may have threatened to call the Better Business Bureau, the company president and the national guard if they did not put a roof on my house in the next three days.  And wouldn't you know, that roof got put on ASAP?  I actually looked at myself in the mirror after that phone call and did my best Hulk impression, "You won't like me when I'm angry!"

I'm definitely cranky...

It's the kind of cranky that makes me watch my husband watching political news hour after hour and makes me contemplate gouging his eyeballs out so he can no longer watch TV.  Last week, so in love.  This week, eyeball gouging. 

I'm definitely cranky...

It's the kind of cranky that makes me go in the bathroom at a Target and flip out about the hand dryer.  Why in the world do hand dryers there have to blow so hard that they make your hand fat flap around?  I mean, my hands are about the only parts of my body that aren't covered in cellulite and here Target has to go and wreck my hand self esteem.  During a normal week, I'd giggle about all that flapping hand skin.  During cranky week, I'm tempted to tell that thing what it can do with all that hot air. 

I'm definitely cranky...

My too do list is all in SHOUTY CAPITOLS.  I can't even tell myself to remember to pick up garbage bags and dog food nicely.  It's all PICK UP GARBAGE BAGS, which just seems to make me frantic.

I'm definetely cranky...

Thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... there goes that "h" again.  Damn h.

I'm definitely cranky...

This week when the children did that "I can't find my shoes and the bus is 10 feet from the house" crap, instead of calmly trying to help them find them, I did the, "OH MY GOD!  IF YOU ALL WOULD JUST PUT YOUR FREAKING SHOES WHERE THEY GO WE WOULD NOT DO THIS EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING!"  Not a good mom at all this week.  This same thing happened regularly when I lamented about how they feel like they need to eat dinner every night (didn't I just feed you dinner yesterday!) and how they think they need to wear clean clothes. 

I'm definitely cranky...

When the kids got the brown clay and made dozens of "pellets" and then ran all over the house pretending to poop these pellets like they were guinea pigs, instead of laughing I said, "SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!  YOU JUST MADE OUR WHOLE HOUSE LOOK LIKE IT'S COVERED IN POOP! AND YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE?!"  See, shouty capitols took over my mouth this week.

I'm definitely cranky...

I even got cranky about my crankiness.  I tried to tell myself that people out there have real problems and here I was getting all bent out of shape over hand fat and fake poop pellets.  It didn't help.  It only deepened the cranky.  It's a vicious cycle.

However, if I were to show you our week in pictures, it would look totally lovely.  Just goes to show you that the highlight reel doesn't always show the true story.  Case in point:

Look!  We got a new roof!  Isn't it gorgeous!

Look!  We went to Bingo for Books Night at School. 

Look! We had ice cream cause we are AWESOME!

Look! Noah got picked to perform in front of the school board and he rocked it because my kids
are flippin' geniuses!

Told ya'.  I think I'll take the highlight reel!  I told myself when I woke up that this was the last day I am allowing myself to be cranky.  We'll see how I feel about that decision in the morning!  :-)  In the meantime, y'all pray for my kids and husband who have to deal with me!

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