February 19, 2013

Truths

Our kids need affirmation.  While it's tempting to affirm that, yes, they make messes, and yes, they are needy, and yes, they always seem to want to eat 5 minutes after I've gotten dinner cleaned up- it's equally as important to affirm the good stuff!

My daughter needs truth spoken into her about how beautiful and worthy she is.  She needs to hear those truths often because I can see her self esteem start to waiver without those frequent affirmations and it is the desire of my heart that she will become a confident woman who knows how amazing she is.

For Miles (and many adopted children) the affirmation he needs is that he is WANTED and LOVED and DESIRED.  I find myself sometimes just whispering in his ear that I love him and that I'm so glad that he's my son.  I feel like he needs to hear me say that frequently to become part of his own inner dialogue.    

I know that right now, he feels secure in his place in our family.  He's comfortable with his adoption story.  He knows it forwards and backwards and slowly, we are beginning to add in more parts as he's becoming old enough to understand the more complex aspects.  It's something we talk about all the time and I hope that because we talk about it so frequently and never make anything off limits that he will feel like he can freely talk about all the feelings he has about it as he grows- the good and the hard. There have been times in his past that he's been uncertain of how he belongs and I know that there will be those times again in his future.  It's part of growing up. It's especially part of growing up in an adoptive family.

Part of me hopes that if we fill him with those truths about how much he's loved and wanted that when he questions how he fits here and feels unloveable, he will fall back on those foundations. 

Last week, we celebrated three years together as a family of 5.  The first year was a blur.  The second one was up and down.  But this year?  This year, we moved beyond building the foundation and began putting up walls and hanging up pictures and we got cozy.  I like living in the cozy. 

While things were good and cozy, I though that it was a good time to move on from just us telling Miles how much we love him to branching out.  He can handle it.  He loves being so loved and drinks it in.  So this year, we asked our friends and family to help us build up his arsenal of truths.  We all made him a video that he can watch over and over again and feel those affirmations sink into his very being.  I hope that when life gets stormy for him (oh, how I wish I could protect my children from life's storms!) he can remember how many people are just nuts over him!

We gave Miles' this video to celebrate our 3rd "family day".  Every year, we try to give him a gift to symbolize his story or our family.  He loved this one!  And I love it too- to look back and see the progress and the memories we make each year just melts me.  I can't wait to make these videos for all my children because I think every child (adopted or not!) needs to hear how much they are loved and adored! 
 


(To see the adoption book we made for Miles last year- click HERE)


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