February 25, 2013

What It's REALLY Like To Take Care of Sick Kids (in crappy pictures)

Facebook would have you think that taking care of a sick kid looks like this...

Status Update:  Sick little ones today!  You know what that means!  Extra cuddles!!!! #lovemykids #poorbabies  #snugglesonthecouchallday!

That status comes with a picture that looks something like this...

 
Sick kids DO look like that... for FIVE MINUTES.  And not a minute more.  Beyond those five minutes here is what it really looks like:
 
You get that dreaded call from school.  "Mrs. Terry, Noah and/or Sadie and/or Miles has a fever and needs to come home."  You rush to school and pick up the victim.  You come home, put them in a blanket and go to the cabinet.  Being the good mom that you are, you are always prepared for ANY illness and emergency.  Oh, wait.  That's not you.  You take their temperature and it reads 91.3 degrees and you realize that the thermometer is broken.  You go on the fact that they are burning up and run to get the fever meds only to discover that they expired in 2010.  The child asks for Sprite (because that's what sick kids get at your house) but all you find in the fridge is questionable milk and coffee grinds.  You realize that you are grossly unprepared for this sickness and so you make the call to the significant other...
 

The reason that they need the bucket is for the onslaught of body fluids that will be rushing out of the mouth.  In our house, we know that this is coming.  One of our kids is a serious puker.  At the first sign of sickness, I put her hair in a braid all Hunger Games style in an effort to keep from having to wash it after every episode.  It doesn't help.  Somehow none of the puke ends up in the toilet.  I'm not sure how it happens, but this is what goes down (or comes up):

Finally, after all that drama, you decide that you should take the child to the doctor.  You know that the first thing the doctor will ask is "Is there anything you know of going around the classroom."  Because you are a prepared mom, you text another class mom to find out the scoop.  You hope that she will say, "That fast moving 3 hour bug is going around. She'll be all better by dinner time."  But what usually ends up happening is...



So you call the doctor.  You wait on hold until your next birthday.  You sit in the waiting room with ALL of your children because once people hear that one is sick, no one will want to keep them.  The other kids in the waiting room cough and sneeze on them.  Your sensory seeking child will drag his head on the dirty floor picking up lint and germs like a dust mop. You get called back and you hope that the doctor says, "Something simple.  Here's a prescription for a $4 antibiotic.  You can go back to school tomorrow."  What really happens is...

You do all of those things.  Then you take your child home and baby them and pamper them and love on them and take that cute Facebook worthy photo of the snuggles because THESE ARE YOUR FIVE MINUTES, DAMMIT!  Then night time comes.  You hope that your poor, sick baby will be so exhausted from the illness that they will crash.  You know that rest is just what they need.  But... the reality of a night with a sick one is...
 
You do this for several days.  FINALLY the day comes where the child is feeling better!!!!  You wake them up, get them dressed and ready for school and you put them on the school bus.  You shut the front door after watching them step on the bus and breathe a sigh of relief... until you hear that pitiful man voice beckoning from the bedroom...
 

You contemplate running out the door and pretending like you didn't hear it.  You know that the sick spouse is infinitely worse than the sick child. You look at the clock and realize that 7:30 am is too early for wine.  Frantic, you consider your options.  You yell into the bedroom, "Call the doctor!  Get the first appointment you can!"  Then you reach into the cabinet, pull out a pen and paper and scribble down a note for the doctor.
 
You offer up a silent prayer that the doctor is a deviant and considers your offer.  You wonder if you should slip a Benjamin in the envelope.  Then you remember that you are a stay at home mom with no said Benjamin to use for a bribe.  Also, that's probably a crime.  So you go back to praying for him to be a deviant.  Because Jesus loves when you pray for that kind of stuff. Can I get an amen?

WISHING YOU GOOD HEALTH (or a deviant doctor that medicates moms) FOR THE REST OF WINTER!



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