May 22, 2013

Butterflies and Crackers

Miles is having trouble with his ears.  No matter how many sets of tubes we have surgically inserted in those ears, he still has difficulty hearing and his ears stay full of fluid.

Lately, he's been humming or singing CONSTANTLY.  We think it's a way for him to relieve some of the pressure in his ears.  At first this humming thing was really, really cute.  Kind of like when he first started singing a song that he made up about a year ago called "Jesus is alive.  Or what."  Once we'd heard the song Jesus is alive- or what for about the 3 billionth time, it started to wear on us.   When Miles finds something funny, he repeats it over and over until he runs it into the ground.  He gets this honestly.  I still only know one joke and I tell it over and over.  (I say, "It smells like updog in here." Then they say, "What's updog?"  And I say, "Not much.  What's up with you.")  You are welcome for that gem, internet.)

I digress.  Back to Miles being stuck on things until they cross right over into annoying land... Luckily, this new song he's made up does shift and change ever so slightly to break up the monotony.  But it's still starting to wear a little.  There's a song on a tv show called "I'm a little butterfly."  It has many verses, but the only line Miles can remember is "I'm a little butterfly."  So he sings that one a lot.  Except when he eats and then he substitutes the name of the food he's eating instead of butterfly.  Think:  "I'm a little goldfish" or "I'm a little teddy graham" stuck on repeat.

It's all good and fine until he eats crackers.  He's really on a jag where he wants to eat Ritz crackers and pepperonis for a snack daily- which means hearing "I'm a little cracker" over and over again between the times of 1-2pm every day.

It's just wrong on so many levels.  Brown child singing about being a cracker?  He obviously doesn't get the racial slur.  But worse than that, his speech impediment makes cracker sound like "Cwack-o" which sounds kind of like slang for "crack ho".  Isn't that just want every parent wants for their kid?

In the privacy of our kitchen, it was okay.  But yesterday, I locked my keys in the van in the parking lot of a restaurant.  They had some outside seating and it was a nice day so we sat outside and drank iced tea while we waited for the locksmith to come and rescue us.  It's a place that we go to often and many of the staff know Miles.  They kept talking to him and joking with him and we explained that we had locked our keys in the car.  The lady at the table next to us struck up a conversation and she ended up giving Miles her packet of crackers that came with her salad to nibble on while we waited.

All of the al fresco diners were serenaded with "I'm a little crack ho".  Two of the people even clapped for him.  There is just something about this kid.  He just draws people in- even when he's talking about being a promiscuous drug fiend.

Other funny kid stuff:

*  One of the kids came home with a letter informing them that they'd been selected to participate in the gifted program/ talent pool at school.  This child was absolutely convinced that they'd been invited to an exclusive swimming field trip.  How that for gifted?  They were a little disappointed that one could not swim in a talent pool.

*  "Mom.  Can I have more strawberries with sugar on them?  Only, I don't want the strawberries.  Just the sugar with a spoon."

*   "Tell me the truth.  Am I your favorite kid?  I promise I won't tell the other ones unless I get really mad at them. Then I might tell them." -Noah

*  From a man walking into the doctor's office at the same time as me with all the kids in tow  "I'd open the door for you, but I better go in first or you'll take up all the chairs in the waiting room.  How many kids is that?" 

*  Me:  It might be time to start wearing deodorant.
    Kid: (excitedly)  Okay.  That's the section in the body book right before getting boobs!

Not funny- but a totally proud mom moment:


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